The Ice Queen
by ChangingGalaxy
Summary: ADA Alexandra Cabot never shows emotion. She never talks about her childhood. And she secretly hates to be called The Ice Queen. This is the story of how a broken girl became the best ADA for the Special Victim's Unit.


I never wanted anyone to know about my childhood. When asked about it, I called it 'inspiring'. They probably _thought_ I meant "inspiring, adjective: having an aiming or exalting effect; breathtaking." I didn't mean that. I hold the record in the SVU office of 'passing the career requirements before being legally able to move out', and extra credit for it being the 'infamous' Bar Exam but I also know that behind my back, Olivia and Elliot call me 'The Ice Queen' because I _never_ show my emotions. It's time I explain just _why_, I became the ADA for the 'sex crimes' unit.

When I was five years old, my mother decided to stop cooking for me and my sister, Megan, who was ten and had been sexually abused for one year by my mother's boyfriend. No one had noticed. My mother was a cook and lived in a nice house in Westchester. I never understood why she stopped cooking for me and Megan when she was in about every prestigious chef's magazine ever. Its ironic how, I, when I was six years old felt destined to be a prosecutor, while, Alexandra' means "to defend man" in just about every language it originates from. I remember getting sent to the principal's office in kindergarten because I told a teacher that she wasn't treating the class fairly. She was mad because I had already read "Student Rights". I felt like Scout in _To Kill a Mockingbird_, which is the only book where I _hate _the prosecutor with a passion and a vengeance. Scout gets in trouble for being smart and having literacy skills on her first day of school. It happened because she had been bored while her older brother was in school and she had learned to read and write. I never considered myself a prodigy or anything like that, I just had nothing else to do, besides watching my sister having her childhood stolen. I watched documentaries about the law and I read books, I kept a journal and I played word and logic games. I knew that the LSAT or the Law School Admissions Test required all that. I still went to school but my teachers called me 'argumentative' and 'defiant'. Of course when I was growing up in 1970s, we didn't have sexual abuse education or visits to the school from children's services so I, like so many victims didn't even realize that Megan was abused till I was I was nine years old. Megan was 14 when she left. I never saw her again and she never got justice. My mother's current boyfriend, Jackson started to abuse me. Of course the first thing I did was to tell my mom who didn't believe me so I decided no one would. When I was 11, I was entered in an Early Entrance to College program but the abuse didn't stop. I studied hard. Some people thought I was pressured but I thrived on deadlines and exams. I loved to write papers for English class about how the characters felt but in the process I didn't pay attention to how I, Alexandra Cabot felt and I became, to the unassuming eye, The Ice Queen. I was 13 when I started to look at Law Schools. I would be one of the youngest people ever to graduate college. I majored once in English and once in phycology. I still, however had no self-esteem. I was living in a trance. I had to live at home. The abuse went on till I was 16. One of my professors at Law School told me later that in all her years previously working as a crisis counselor, she suspected something so she gave the class a lecture on how the emotional side effects of sexual abuse effect conviction statistics. I lost it and my professor escorted me to the crisis center where I told them _everything. _It felt so good to cry and show the world exactly how I felt. In my first session with a therapist, I screamed more then once. Jackson Cabot nee Peterson was arrested and I was the only witness. I was speaking for seven years of nightmare and I was speaking for Megan. It wasn't enough. The prosecution had no experience and the case was set-aside on a technicality. I passed the Bar Exam at age 18. I got the job at SVU at age 20. I also just prosecuted my eighty-third case but I was abused for 7 years and I will need to prosecute 2472 more cases to get one for every day in that time that I lived in despair. When that happens, I will no longer be a victim. I will officially be ADA Alexandra Cabot.


End file.
